A year ago

It had been just over a year ago when I took over the responsibility of my 100 yo grandmother. Noone knew at that time that the toughest year of my life was about to happen.
As most know, my mother was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma. She's been in chemo since March...and is on a break now from it. All I really know is that as I sit at my desk at work...I find myself some days just holding my head in my hands and crying. Crying because I feel like I've already lost my mother....a whole summer almost gone and she hasn't been able to do what she loves or to come see me at my house. It's a lonely, lost feeling.
And now, as I'm trying to adjust to life without my mother being active (she sleeps or is nausous all the time) I find that my father is not well either. The man that I idolize, the man that is the most important man of my life is about to embark on a game in his life that I'm fearful, he won't win. It's a horrible thought, but true. I see him struggling with Parkinson's and now cancer.
The questions that come to my mind are of frustration, confusion, worry, and disbelief of how two people who lived a life of complete goodness, have something so bad happen to them.
At the time where they should be enjoying their golden years...they are joined with doctors and nurses...and damn insurance company problems.
I hate this life as I know it now. I hate that the two people I love the most are dying in front of my eyes...I hate that I can't help them to take away the pain.
I hate that my memories of my parents in the past year have been of them struggling.
I just wish I could take away all their troubles and I want my parents back the way they were when we would travel to Hawaii, venture to Yosemite, look for indian beads in New Mexico or tend their garden on the farm. I wish my father and I were able to take our backpacking trip to Alaska, as planned, before my mother became sick.
I hate and I wish....for things that will never be the same.

Love is spelled Friends and Family

Some people tend to not talk to much about things like disease so much. In my life, I've realized that it is easier for me just to tell people what is going on in my life, so that there is nothing lost in translation and taken the wrong way. I've told maybe a half dozen people what has been going on over the past couple weeks. It's helped me a lot to understand where I'm at with accepting certain things.

The other night my two closest friends called me. It was the sweetest thing. They've never even met, yet they both knew that it was the right time to check in. In a lifetime if you have one friend that you can call your "Bestfriend" you are blessed....for me, I have two blood bestfriends and three people that came into my life at different times and who I love and think that World of. I am very thankful and blessed. I hope they know how much I appreciate their postive affect on my life.

xo- Cakes

The Day That Changed My Life....

February, 27, 2009
Well, thanks for emailing, texting and calling to ask about my mom. I met her and my dad at the Cancer Center yesterday and I really liked her doctor. Which is good because we will be seeing a lot of him. He first told us that the disease is worst than he thought. It is stage 2 Mulitiple Myeloma, cancer of the plasma. They found it in her skull, arms, collarbones and legs. Monday we scheduled her to go to get a port in, so that in two weeks she can start chemo, three times a week for about six month. After that she needs to consider having a stem cell transplant.
The chances of remission are really high. I don't know what else to say....other than thank you for my closest friends for being so concerned and supportive. I don't know what I'd do with you now.
Today my Sis finds out about the ovarian cancer.
What are the chances that three family memembers are diagnosed with three different, unexplainable diseases within a year? Someone told me that God won't give us more than we can handle. I have a feeling I'm going to be kicking some serious cancer and parkinson's ass this year. :) Thank you for your prayers.
Whatelse can I say?
Other than, if you can't get a hold of me right away, please leave a message or email me. I've just really have had my hands full.

Understanding Death....

Some of you have asked what is going on...
As we get older it seems that I keep running acrossed things that I know people have gone through, but noone has ever told me about them....things like death. Dealing with it is very personal, for me I rely on my friends to keep me going (Thanks). Everyone knows that I'm taking care of my Gma....and everyone knows that it's getting toward the end of her life. She said to me last night "What would I do without you?" and my response "What would I do without you?" (I've been preparing myself for months.)
Which she promptly told me that I would soon find out...and that we would be together again someday.

Anyway, it was last night when I had Hospice give me a little booklet explaining what death looks like...I didn't realize I was experiencing it. About three months before a person passes, certain things happen.
I'm okay writting this because I'm realizing that my Gma is ready and she has made it very clear to me that it is what she wants.
About a month ago, she started craving liquids....milk and oj. Something that I have never bought her over the past year. She'd have nothing to do with them before and all of a sudden, she was going through a gallon of each in the course of a few days. Well, this is part of what happens. Then this weekend she stopped eating. I've been force feeding her until I was told that this is also what happens. The person draws their energy from a spiritual place and they are getting ready to leave this earth. I am really uncomfortable with it, but they tell me it's ok.
The final thing I want to say about this is that I didn't really understand why she was sleeping so much...other than she is 100 years old. Let's face it, I thought she was tired. But, what goes on is the reflection of one's life. They reflect with their eyes closed. My grandmother and I have become very close over the past three months especially. She has been teaching me all these things and I had no idea how important they were to one's life.
Me telling some of you is like therapy, sorry if it makes you uncomfortable. But, I'm so amazed at how life begins and ends.
I'm so thankful in my life to have my family and friends. Blessings to us all.

I'm ready to be "snowed-in"!!!

As of Friday we hardly had a scant of snow on the ground. But, the forecasters were saying snow is on it's way...so I, like most people of Southeast Michigan, dared to go to the grocery for the essentials...bread, eggs, milk, wine and TP. While I was at the grocery I dodged two people that I recognized. Why is it that everytime I look like "hell" I run into someone I haven't seen in ages? The last thing I want to come out of anyone's mouth is "Holy crap, I saw so and so and she looked like crap"....not that I care...but, yes I do care. It just happened to be my first ever boyfriend. The one that I fell in love with at the roller rink and thought was the cutest boy ever. Needless to say, he's gained a little weight and ain't so cute anymore. I heard his voice first and walked the other way. We had a chance meeting in the summer and it was the typical "Linda? Wow, it is you?" I guess noone ever thought I'd be back in Michigan. Anyway, I'm not sure if he saw me...and I'm probably going to hell for not say hi to him. Oh well.
The lines were horrendous, but I made it home just in time for me to fall asleep at 7:30pm! Sharp!
Saturday morning I woke up and went to the gym...right away 6am. I didn't want to talk myself out of it. The race is only two months away and I'm not going to be ready for it! But, I'm trying.
After the gym, and before I went to Grammy's, I stopped at coffee. I got the low down on all the gossip from Aiden and Katie. And Aiden made me the best Mo-cha ever with a little French flair.
By 10am the snow started and it's coming down hard. I'm home now baking cookies and relaxing with the wieners. Daddy Cakes is in Pittsburgh until Sunday, so I'm spending some quality time watching 8" of snow fall and being lazy.
We heart snow storms and BonJour Mo-chas!

A Monday Morning on Tuesday!!! Ack

So, I open my eyes this morning and I'm not at my house...this has been a pretty regular happening for the past couple weeks. I look around...the room is way bigger than my tiny bedroom, it's cold and I have a big guy sleeping next to me. But, today he gets up and mumbles something as he heads out to the livingroom. I gather he is letting Angel, his huge Rotweiler, out.
After a half hour of being outside, I hear her bark. It's not a "I want to come in bark"...more like I see something bark. So, off Daddy Cakes goes to let his girl in...she bolts through the door and heads straight for the bedroom, where of course I am. I didn't realize it at first, the air was fine until she whirled around and headed back out....ahhhhg....SKUNK smell!
I retreat to under the covers and she is ousted to the outdoors.
Skunk is the most god-awlful smell ever. I tried to think to myself "mmmm, this smells pretty"...didn't work. It was horrible I'm telling ya! But, then what really stunk was that she rubbed against my new light weight puffy jacket, that I found on sale at the outlet for $29.99....it can't be ruined.
My boss walked past it at work and made me take the whole coatstand outside for the day! It was bad.

I was a little depressed until Mike, a local radio guy, came in to visit...he brought Utah. The most beautiful Shepard I've ever seen...He's a Dutch Shepard.

I thought I was in love with him...until I came home and found these two silly wieners running around my house.

The Sweetest Thing for Valentine's Day

Since my mother has been waiting and waiting and waiting for her test results...and we are all holding our breath, she has kinda been in a real funk. I've never known my mother to be like this. Last week she felt she really messed up by not telling anyone that Sydney (her red healer) got into (and ate) some rat poisoning that she forgot was in the garage. It had been sooo cold and Syd was in there out of the weather. It was 6 days after that she showed signs of being sick. Mom and Dad rushed her to the ER and found that she was bleeding internally. The antedote for rat poison is Vitamin K. So, they've brought her home and are nursing her back to health.
Meanwhile, my mother feels badly and is in an even bigger funk.
That's when my sister brought her a little Valentine's gift....a little white chicky that she hatched just for mom.

It's soooo effing cute. I just want to squeeze it!
Happiness is having a sister that knows how to hatch an egg!

It's February 16th?! WT?

I can't believe it's been soo long since I've updated this thing. Too busy taking care of other people and messing around on FB I guess.
Backing up time a little, I was trying to figure out if this one guy was someone that I wanted to seriously date...nope. Super nice cutie pants, but it just didn't click...and I wasn't going to "make" something work. I figured out this the same week that I met Daddy Cakes...a new nickname, of course. It had been about three weeks that I had been emailing and talking with him before we met. I was urged to meet him from Pablo, who knows him from riding. After we met the first night, I pretty much knew he was the one I wanted to spend more time getting to know.
So, that first date was the week before my friend came to visit from Maryland...which became a disaster! I always had a feeling that it would be painful to have this guy visit...and I was right. What do they say about your gut feeling? Not only did he insult me by asking me if I was "doing" my friend, who happens to be like my nephew and my bestfriends fake future husband! The nerve...then he insulted me by calling me something I wasn't happy with and then really insulted my friends gf. Once we began to ignore him it was all better. I guess there are some people that just don't fit in. He left a day early, needless to say...I was fine with that.
Back to normal life.
I've been following E's workout patterns and she's motivated me to workout harder. I applaud her for that. When I went to the Doc on Friday, they said I've lost 14 lbs. I honestly don't know how...my explanation was that I got rid of Rob, the ex-bf. Dead weight.
Last week I broke down and bought a camera. With mom's possible diagnosis with cancer, I've been thinking a lot about how I hadn't taken any pics over the past couple years...so, now I have a new camera...and I can't figure out how to work it.
Ok...back to Daddy Cakes....so, I like this guy...really feel a connection. We've been seeing each other about three weeks now, and I feel like I've known him longer. So, we'll see. The kid makes me laugh. Better yet, he laughs at my stooopid jokes.
Valentine's Day, a holiday that I hate (which I'm starting to think I hate all holidays) was really nice...quiet, but nice.
Today is President's Day. I used to go every President's Day weekend to Yosemite to cross country ski and snow camp. Oh, how my life has changed. I miss teaching and Yosemite!

Happy Prez Day everyone!

Just another Sunday

It just seems like yesterday that I updated this thing...nope.

The weeks have been flying by. Guess that's what happens when you are a 9 to 5'er. I never thought I'd see that!

Anyway, I've been totally focussing on quality and not quantity...in all aspects of my life. I've definately decided that having one wiener dog was a life changing experience...and two wieners dogs is a life altering experience! For the love of God....Fritzie needs to stop being such a whiney little bitch at night! I haven't slept in two nights. Which is my fault because when it was sooo cold I let him sleep with me....they are great little heaters. But, now....NOW, I pay the price.

So, back to the PM crate training it is.

This morning I hoped to go up and snowboard, but I didn't quite make it....I did end up running the treadmill and doing my cardio yoga....thanks to the extra special Americano that Nate made me at Uptown (that's a picture at the top of the page!!!).

I went to see Grams and she keeps telling me she's ready to go to the next "world"....I don't like to hear it, but I know she is ready. After taking care of her I came home and made Asian Chicken Cabbage Rolls from scratch. They look sooo Yummy. It's a proud moment.

Side Note: Oh, and by the way...the exhibits are starting to prove to be too much for me. One, the "Original" exhibit- I'm not sure about (and has moved to 2nd,) two - the exhibit from two years ago who is eleven years younger has surfaced and has moved to 3rd place, exhibit three from two years ago is coming to visit...poor guy has no chance and then...and then enter exhibit four - the one that Pabs recommends....who may take first place. I hope I figure this out soon, I just can't see myself doing this much longer! Ugh.

Klassic Text

This morning I text my boss:
"I don't have water. I'm gross from being sick yesterday. I'm texting in sick"

Wow. That's awesome.

So, the story is....I came home last night and took a bath. I was sooo cold that I forgot I had my bra on when I actually sat in the tub....who does that? Anyway, then the dogs start barking....my solice ruined. Why???? So, I start listening. Their bark wasn't a "someone's here" or "I want treats" bark....it was a "I'm confused, I hear something wrong" bark. Kinda like what Lassie did when Timmy fell down the well.

Then I hear it....a strange noise....crap, it's water (I think). So, I get out and go down to the basement....yep, perfect....a leak.

I turn off my water and call the plumber, who says "Someone will call you in the morning."

Okay, I miss the days that I could get away with not showering! Dammit.
PS My boss isn't happy. He didn't even respond to me. Whatever.

Oh and it's freaking cold. LOOK:

Feels like -33

Let me check...Yep...

It's effing cold!

Two things...

1- I met a girl that works at the coffee house today...she's a teacher, does yoga and spin class, lived in Cali, and has travelled to all the places that I want to travel to...and she's done missionary work. She's been to Africa, Costa Rica and a couple others that I can't think of. She plans to go to Russia!

So, I'm totally stoked that I met her! Someone with character! Yippy.

2- I made these delicious salmon baked fish sticks this afternoon. I waited in anticipation as they baked...but, then I realized....it was really smoky. I walked out to the kitchen and smoke was definetly coming from the oven. I opened the door up and I didn't see anything wrong. Maybe I could have cleaned the oven better, but whatever.

Then I looked twice, opps! I completly left one of those plastic spatula thingys in there!

Son of a......

This is what NOT to leave in the oven at 450 degrees (And why I can't have nice things!)

In Search of Pura Vida

So, as I sit under the soft cozy warm blanket with two...not just one, but two wiener dogs against me, I start to think about what I really want to do. I really want to teach, but that's going to be a long haul to do, so I start thinking about what I am going to do in the meantime.

I really want to go and get motivated and in touch with my MBS (mind, body and soul). The practice of yoga is increasingly harder since it's not so sought after here in Michigan....so, I need to seek it out.

Here's the plan....increase my workouts (physically and mentally) in order to be ready for my PuraVida retreat that I plan to schedule for April.

It's going to be hard work....but, what else do I have to do?

This is how one traveler describes Pura Vida:
"Pura Vida" is more than a phrase I picked up from my trip to tropical paradise, otherwise known as, Costa Rica. It's a mentality. It's a mindset. It's a lifestyle. It's when everything, everything, everything is in harmony. It's when life is a stroll. It's when even amidst the numerous activities and projects and effort to get things done, to take the right steps, to accomplish what you thought you've always wanted, you're not whizzing about in a dizzy losing sight of why you were running and spinning in the first place!Pura vida is life at a pace that makes you enjoy every moment, every beauty that surrounds you, that you have, that is yet to come...the moment it comes...not before, not after. It's when we, as humans, take our place in the grand scheme of Life; we are part of nature. Our lives is part of something bigger and greater. We - our past, present and future - are in the hands of One who knows all and Loves. We cooperate. We are the most important things we have, and the relationships we build, the most cherished. And in recognizing this - lightness, peace, serenity, joy settles in...tranquilo...tranquilo. Pura vida is seeing everything and everyone in your life new; it's filtering everything you return to from vacation, and everything that comes to you with - Is this what truly matters in life? Pura vida is not limited to the beautiful blue beaches, the lush green trees, the colorful flowers and sea life...pura vida is life right here...right now. It's my life now.

Slipn'fall....dammit!

So, I've been real careful in my driveway...it's as slippery as dog shit. Anyway, the overhang to my door had been dripping water. It froze and my mother told me that she wouldn't even stop to see me because she doesn't want to fall. Okay, sweet. So, last night I get home and look at it and think "hmm, if I take my doormat and throw it over the ice, then noone will fall." I mean that's absolutely genius, the matt is textured and not slippery. I'm a genius I think to myself, who needs salt? I laugh at the salt. Ha.This is where the genius part comes in (as if what I just wrote wasn't pure genius)....I forget that I did that whole thing with the doormat and run out to my garage. As I am coming back in with an armful of crap, I step on the mat and SLIIIIIIPPPP! It was like I stepped on a banana peel. Son of a.....One leg went to the front and the other to the back. I landed on my hip and wrist. Fun times.Since it happened between the houses, my choice of words were very inappropriate for anyone under ten. Moral of the story:Take care of things the proper way (no half-assing things!), don't try to hide problems, because in the end...it will all bite you in the ass somehow...and make your Chiropractor a very rich man.

Best New Years Text EVER!

So, I'm with my family...and a couple friends on New Years. Because it's a three hour difference from her and the west coast, I start texting a couple people "Slappy New Year"....I get a text from the cutie in Oly saying "Happy New Years Beautiful"....that's sweet. I get another from my friend Cupcake (who's a 6'7" man) in Bmore "Keep you clothes on tonite Cakes!" What? What's he mean by that? Anyway, then I get this one from E, "Happy New Year! I'm staying in tonight an reading"....huh? Really? My bestfriend is really feeling the love for herself! Good job E! I'd join you if I could....I wasn't exactly sure about what was going on....I mean is that a good sign or bad? E seems to always have someone to go somewhere with. I kinda felt sad, as I drove home thinking about her laying in bed with her warm comfy blanky and book...with her big stuffed ducky in the corner watching her. I wished I was there to tell her to go get some fucking flowers, or something like that. But those thoughts fastly faded once I got home, I embarked on my Ambien state of sleep.

Then at 6am I popped awake...ding...and I realized that I had complete JOY in the form of a text!

This is the text said, "I accidentally went out to two parties and got drunk. Whoops. TBags wroteto me. Good kid."

It was the best way to start 2009!

Things on New Years Eve 2009

Houevos Neuvous Rancheros 2009! It was a cold and clear night. The moon was waning. Everyone was invited to my sister's house to play games and have a low-key night.

Emmie bought a game called Things...from Target (by the way)...and it's our new favorite.

How it's played:
Someone reads a card that has a question on it (ie: What don't you say to break the silence in a conversation?, What makes you gag? What do you not exaggerate?) . The questions were so much fun.

So, the question that I get to read it this "Name something that is funny".

I of course, being PG13 answer "My family"....but, then I start to read the other answers, so that people can guess who wrote them....these are the answers that I got:
1-Poop Stains,
2- Sharting in your pants,
3- The white spot on top of chicken shit,
4-Kids,
5- Someone stepping in dog shit, other than you,
6-Farting next to a blind kid,
7-A pie in the face.

If you notice there is a pattern with most of these answers....which leads me to also say, my family is obsessed with making love to Kenny G, 25 cent peep-shows and Sidewinder sex....would somoeone please google that?